


Forever and Ever

by SunshineA



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Human, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, Young!Tony, old!Loki, set in the 80's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5223104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineA/pseuds/SunshineA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This can be an another cheesy, crapy story. Hell, it could be made into a movie for all I care. Though I would very probably be up for that, and they wouldn’t even have to change my name. But, no one would believe it actually happened to me.</p><p>My name is Tony Stark. And this is how I got to love eternally, just not for eternity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever and Ever

**Author's Note:**

> I sorely apologize for all the mistakes, both logical and grammatical, in the story. I worked hard for the last days to finish it (as the lazy fuck that I am), and there might be some mistakes :c And since I've finished yesterday, there wa no time to send it in to my lovely beta and let her check on me.
> 
> So there's that :c
> 
> Also, there is an amazing art to this story, which I fell in love with (and making it my desktop pic now). It's by atanau-art, and you can all find it [here](http://atanau-art.tumblr.com/post/133289391073/frostiron-bang-2015-for-forever-and-ever-by) .

This can be an another cheesy, crapy story. Hell, it could be made into a movie for all I care. Though I would very probably be up for that, and they wouldn’t even have to change my name. But, no one would believe it actually happened to me.

Why?, you ask?

Well, I am not known for the falling-in-love kind of guy. Especially if it means loving someone for the rest of one’s life. But, some people find true love not once, but a few times.

I am not one of these lucky assholes. I’m just a rich smart guy who had his chance very early, made many mistakes, had many regrets ‘cause of that mistakes and in the end… made everything right.

Shame the universe wouldn’t give me a lifetime with whom I chose to love and who loved me back.

My name is Tony Stark. And this is how I got to love eternally, just not for eternity.

* * *

“Vacation. In England. In the country,” Tony repeated and stared at Jarvis for a long moment.

Jarvis nodded and tried to smile. “Yes, your father has some important issues to take care of there and your mother convinced him that if you all went together—“

“Together?” Tony cut him off and snorted loudly, turning back to his sketchbook. “Sorry, but we never do ’together’.”

“That’s why Maria pressed for her and you to go with Howard.”

Tony sighed and closed his sketchbook, rolling onto his back with a groan and rubbing his charcoal-dirty hand over his face. “But it’s England,” he whined. “It’s always raining there.”

“Not always,” Jarvis chuckled and smiled softly. “Besides, in the summer it’s mostly a warm rain you can encounter. At least where you are going.”

Tony frowned and sat up, staring at his butler. “You’re not coming with us?”

Jarvis, the tall and slim man, always with a kind smile on his face, shook his head.

“Sadly, I cannot. Someone has to take care of the house when Mr. Stark is gone,” he explained and smiled apologetically at Tony.

The young Stark groaned again and fell backwards, back hitting the soft mattress. “All the more reason to not go with them. I’m gonna have no one to talk to!”

Since Tony cold remember, he had problems with making friends. Jarvis was different, though. Maybe because he was always there, helpful and providing everything Tony ever needed, and not always what he wanted. He was growing to be more of a father figure to Tony than Howard was, and even though Tony did feel guilty for that at times, mostly he didn’t regret feeling like that towards his butler at all.

To be honest, Jarvis was his only friend until Tony got to MIT. There he met James Rhodes, who turned out to be and awesome buddy. But they lived miles apart and whenever Tony was back home from Massachusetts, they couldn’t keep in touch much. So that left Tony with Jarvis again. Tony wasn’t complaining, though – he loved Jarvis.

“It’ not going to be that bad,” Jarvis comforted him. “You should start packing, Tony.”

“Right. Flight’s in two days,” Tony mumbled and sat up again, rubbing his face. “Three months, right?”

Jarvis nodded and patted his head like he always did with him. Tony actually liked it, and didn’t mind at all.

“Now, go wash your face and hands off that charcoal. Dinner will be served in five minutes.”

Tony’s eyes widened and he ran to his bathroom, to look in the mirror. He started laughing as he saw the black smudges over his face and looked at Jarvis, who was already gone. He could still hear him laughing in the hallway, though, and even when Tony was all clean as he sat by the table with Maria, his butler was still grinning, but only when there was no one looking apart from Tony.

* * *

_A week later_

There was an exceptionally sunny day when Tony got in a usual fight with his father and stormed outside. He still was holding an engineering magazine he took from Howard’s desk and about which the fight was all about.

The thing was, Tony just walked inside Howard’s office to grab something interesting to read and by accident grabbed some blueprints with himself. Howard caught him reading through them and started yelling, scaring the crap out of his only son. Maria tried to cool things down, but it just made Howard more mad and he told Tony to get the hell out of his office.

Tony would lie if he said the tone of his father’s voice didn’t make him want to cry. He was close to that. That’s why he went outside – to get the fresh air on a walk, to calm down. He was holding the magazine tightly in his hand, jaw set tight and breathing quick and heavy. He made his way out of the estate around the old manor they rented for Howard’s stay in United Kingdom and towards a lake that was well a mile away.

The whole way there Tony spent focusing on his breathing and racing heart. He found it really hard to calm down this time. He knew it was because of how Howard spoke to him. Like he was still a child, unknowing little brat who would burst into his office to show him something funny an run over some important blueprints on the way. But Tony learned very early in his life that he can’t do that. He changed wanting his father’s approval. And he still couldn’t gain it, no matter what he did, no matter how much better he was from other eighteen-year-olds at school.

No matter how much he tried, his mind was just getting flooded with more and more memories of Howard’s disapproval with Tony. It made him shake, grit his teeth and just gasp in anger with every step. Once he actually reached the lake he was more angry and closer to tears than when he was while leaving the mansion.

He stopped on the short, sandy shore of the lake and stared at it for a moment. The surface was calm and there was close to no stir on it. It made Toy just more furious – how come the stupid lake was so calm and he couldn’t even do that simple thing?

He threw the magazine angrily and it hit the water a few feet farther, making the round waves, which grew bigger and bigger until disappearing eventually.

“That is not nice. And illegal,” came the soft voice from Tony’s left, making him jump in surprise with a gasp. “You can’t pollute that lake.”

Young Stark turned to face the tall man, hands fisted on his sides. “So?” he snapped.

The man raised his eyebrows just slightly in what looked like boredom. Though, he wasn’t exactly happy, either.

“So,” he started and straightened up, making it obvious he was at least a head taller than Tony. “I could get you in trouble. It’s a private lake.”

“Private?” Tony repeated surprised.

The man nodded, and tilted his head down a bit, watching Tony from under his eyelashes; almost like he was watching his prey, though his eyes were calm and nowhere to make Tony feel threatened. He still felt like that, though.

“Well,” Tony swallowed and tried to smile kindly. “Maybe… we could keep this between us?”

The man frowned to that, and only then Tony realized he had to be older than him. At least ten years. He didn’t look like a kid anymore, and Tony – even though he was eighteen and getting closer to nineteen – still looked more of a kid than a man. Growing goatee from what was there of his facial hair for now wasn’t helping, because that meant he looked more like he glued pubic hair to his chin.

The stranger watched Tony for a moment, eyeing him from head to toes. Tony did exactly the same, swallowing again because, hot damn, even with these suit pants, a loose t-shirt and a cardigan on, the guy still looked like he could have every girl he wanted. And some men, too.

“I guess we could do that,” the man said after a short moment of silence, just as Tony felt himself grow ridiculously excited. “But not for free.”

Tony almost chocked on his own spit as he heard the last words. Not for free? What did he mean by that?

“That is a favor, and I don’t make favors for random people,” the man continued slowly, calmly. He was straightened up again, hands hidden behind his back, which made him seem even taller and so… self-assured. Not to mention even hotter.

“What do you mean?” Tony asked after taking a deep breath; he was really starting to worry of what was he getting himself into. Howard would get so mad. And they were here just for a week! How Tony could get himself in trouble on a different continent so early? It’s almost like he was a trouble-magnet.

“It means you will owe me a favor,” stranger explained and smiled leniently.

“But—how will you make sure I get to return it, anyway?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Anthony,” the man said lightly and winked at him. “I’ll know who to look for.”

Tony froze for a short moment and just stared at the man in horror.

Why was he so surprised that the guy knew his name, he had no idea. He should have seen it coming; it was very probable that everyone around knew for a long while who was coming to the old mansion. People lived for stories like that. And everyone were very probably hoping to talk with Tony’s father about their inventions and ideas. They always do that.

Suddenly, Tony knew what would the favor look like.

“If you want to talk to my daddy, not gonna happen,” he said and shrugged, anger filling him again. “He won’t listen to me, so you will be wasting your time.”

There was a moment of silence in which they both watched each other. And then, to Tony’s surprise, the man smiled again, almost like he was mocking Tony for saying all that. It didn’t help to keep that anger inside, for sure.

“I don’t want to get your father. I am a man of many talents and if I wanted to talk to Howard Stark, I would talk to him,” he replied and started walking closer to Tony, smiling lightly the whole time. “I want a favor from you. Believe it or not, just from you.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, not really believing in any word the man have spoken just now. Because what could a Brit want from a son of Howard Stark if not to get to Howard Stark? Still, what other choice did he have, anyway? He had to agree, he didn’t want to get in trouble because of a stupid magazine and a stupid private lake.

“Fine, whatever,” he rolled his eyes and pushed his hands into his jeans. “A favor from me, okay.”

Stranger nodded and stopped about a feet away from Tony, standing side to side.

“Glad we understood each other,” he hummed and glanced at Tony just as Tony looked at him.

Their eyes met for a brief moment and Tony could swear there was something in those deep greens… it made him shiver. But as quick and sudden as they looked into each other’s eyes, the whatever-kind-of connection they had was gone, and the man walked off. Tony wanted to call after him, to at least get to know his name, but decided against it. If the guy was wordy they would meet again and Tony would probably ask then.

Besides, the man could wait. Tony probably needed to go back now, especially with the big banquet coming up tomorrow. Maria was already going crazy about all the preparations, she didn’t need to be worried about her son in addition.

Tony did stay by the lake a while longer, just watching the peaceful waters. It helped him calm down eventually and when he finally was ready, he made his way back to the mansion, with the sun starting to set over the horizon.

He didn’t sleep well that night. There was something always bothering him; the pillow wasn’t right, he was too hot under the covers and too cold with his foot out, the mattress was too hard one side and too soft on the other. He got up around midnight, tired and sore from all the twitching and moving on the bed. His bathrobe was lying on the floor and Tony grabbed it before walking out on the balcony.

The night was cold, as it always was in England, he supposed. He was shivering every time a soft wind moved past him. He wrapped the bathrobe a bit tighter around him and made sure the slippers were still on his feet. He looked out at the night sky. The moon was the only star out tonight, shinning bright while other smaller stars were hidden behind thick clouds. He already missed the night sky in California. Even the one he remembered from MIT was better than this one.

A small sigh left Tony’s lips and he leaned over the balcony, rubbing his hands together lightly.

His thoughts wandered back to the small event by the lake. He still wanted to know who the mysterious cocky man was. Even if he didn’t want to meet him again, so he wouldn’t have to fulfill the deal they made.

It was stupid, though. All Tony did was throwing a piece of paper into the water. It would dissolve sooner or later and wouldn’t do much bad to the lake or the fish living in it, not to mention its surroundings. Tony snorted, realizing how stupid he actually was back there. All it took was a good looking guy and his brain stopped working properly. And it got him into that dumb deal. Tony was sure he wouldn’t get into much trouble because of some piece of fucking paper. Not him, Howard Stark’s son.

“Fuck!” Tony gasped and gritted his teeth, angry. “Way to go, you dumb fuck. Wait till Howie knows about this,” he snorted at himself and walked back into the room, stomping.

He couldn’t believe he actually fell for something like that. It just—he really didn’t want to get into more trouble and for Howard to know about this messes. Well, he wasn’t thinking straight then, that was for sure. There was nothing he could do about it now, besides praying that the guy wouldn’t find him again. And it would be hard since Tony wasn’t really a firm believer.

He fell back onto the bed, slippers falling off his feet as he thought about that guy.

If only the situation was different… he would probably end up flirting with him. But no, the guy had to threaten him. That just made him look sexier, though, if Tony could be honest with himself. And he could. Age wasn’t a problem for Tony; he didn’t care about it as long as he got off in the end. He wouldn’t do it with kids, hell no. He was no pedophile.

“Oh God,” he whined to himself at that thought and decided it was about time to go to sleep. His mind was just going in weird places when he was tired.

He took off the robe and threw it onto the floor again before crawling under the covers and lying down comfortably. After a few minutes he threw away his pajamas, deciding that was the best way not to feel too hot under the covers, and he was right. He fell asleep pretty quickly, the green-eyed guy from the lake visiting his dreams in the best ways Tony enjoyed more than he should’ve.

* * *

The next day was hectic.

Maria was so stubborn to do the welcoming party for everyone around she was taking every single moment of her free time and more to go over all of the smallest details. Like, what color the napkins are going to be and if they’ll fit the chandelier. Tony was present at some of the preparations over the whole week, but decided to avoid them after a couple of times. Maria just kept asking him about what color would be the best or what was he thinking about the dishes she picked for the dinner. And he really couldn’t give a satisfying answer because he really didn’t care what all of the invited folks were going to eat. He just knew that if he wouldn’t like the food – and that was almost impossible, because Maria usually took his tastes into consideration – he would just go to the kitchen and make himself a peanut butter sandwich with jelly.

The day of the party, though, it was a total nightmare to him. Everyone were running around like crazy, while he woke up around noon and lazily walked downstairs to eat something. When Maria saw him in his boxer briefs and a bathrobe on she went absolutely out of her mind.

“TONY!” she called and ran after him in her high hills incredibly fast. “What are you doing?!”

“Um… I was thinking to get myself some breakfast,” he admitted, yawning widely at the end, as to let her know he just got up, if she didn’t already know.

“But you need to pick up your tuxedo for tonight! It’s already waiting at the tailor’s, in the city!”

“Mom, I told you,” he groaned. “I don’t want a tux. I hate it.”

“Oh, my little boy,” she said and smiled softly at him, turning into a loving mother from a crazy party planner in a blink of an eye. “You are going to wear a tux, and so is your dad. You just need to pick it up for him, ‘cause he’s busy.”

“When he isn’t,” Tony mumbled and let Maria ruffle his hair. She always did that to calm him down.

“Eat something, get yourself together and do what I asked, okay?” she said and pecked his cheek before running off again to yell at someone for getting the wrong flowers.

Tony watched her go and, after  a moment, turned back to the kitchen, where he ate some cornflakes he found in one of the cupboards. He dreamt about a long bath afterwards, but had to settle for a shower, since a road to the town would take him at least an hour.

When he finally went downstairs, all fresh and dressed in some old jeans and Led Zeppelin t-shirt, Maria was still running around. She didn’t look stressed, oh no. She seemed so, but Tony knew her too well and knew she was actually enjoying it. She was a smart woman, but didn’t work too much, because she always felt guilty about leaving Tony alone, especially with Howard working _constantly_. Tony felt bad about it, but still wouldn’t change the way it was now. At least he had her, and Jarvis. They were his family, and he enjoyed every minute he could spend with them.

Maria loved organizing balls and such other events. It meant she could actually get busy with something, and not feel too guilty about leaving Tony, because most of the time the events took place in their mansion.

Tony smiled when he saw her walking with her head in the papers that were probably some orders confirmations. She didn’t see him, but he didn’t mind; he liked watching his mom when she was like that. She was so fierce and committed, just like him when he was studying or working on another project.

When he came back a couple hours later, everything was almost ready. The flowers were scattered all over their mansion, standing on every table and in every corner. It looked stunning, as usual when Maria was taking care of it.

She was out of sight as Tony walked upstairs and gave his father’s tuxedo to their butler. He didn’t want to interrupt him, or see him, really. He just walked back to his room and changed slowly, thinking about a way to escape the party after an hour or so. Drinking was one of the options, but he didn’t want to piss of his parents so he settled for being tired with the trip to the city – Maria would surely let him go.

When the time finally came, a maid called him downstairs. Maria was already there, dressed in a long, red gown, with its back exposed, and fitting so well to her body Tony had to take a deep breath. She just looked stunning, and he thought to himself – for another time in his short life – that he couldn’t blame Howard for falling in love with her. Smart and beautiful – that’s what she was.

“Damn, mom,” he welcomed her with a wide smile and hugged back as soon as she wrapped her arms around him. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” she grinned and fixed his bowtie. “And you look handsome. I would say all the girls are yours, but please, don’t use that tonight.”

He rolled his eyes and pecked her cheek. “No worries. I’m a bit tired, anyway. I won’t stay long.”

“Is it because of the trip? Sorry, honey,” she said worriedly. “Stay as long as you want. It’s not like the guests don’t know who are they coming to,” she winked at him.

Tony chuckled and just nodded in response.

Howard joined them fifteen minutes later, only to greet some of the more important people. He then took Maria and they went to talk with people around, as they always did. Tony’s mom always said it was just because they wanted everyone – or almost everyone – to feel important for a small bit, even if they really weren’t.

Tony immediately went for the bar, where all the seats were empty, apart from one. Some tall guy was sitting at one end, back to everyone. Tony ignored him completely and took a seat far from him, ordering a glass of whiskey with no ice for himself.

“Aren’t you too young?” came the soft, but strong voice from his side.

Tony didn’t recognize it at first. He realized, who was speaking to him the moment he laid his eyes at the man. It was _that_ guy. The guy from the lake.

“You?” Tony asked, eyes wide in surprise.

The man just smirked and stood up, taking the seat right next to Tony’s. “Me. Why so surprised? I told you I’ll find you.”

Tony stared at him for a moment and then snorted, turning back to his drink. “Find me? You had to be invited if you walked in here. Nothing impressive in that, Mister.”

A soft chuckle reached Tony’s ears and he fought hard with himself not to look at the guy. He didn’t want to take a closer look in fear he would actually fall for the good looks. It happened to him before, and never with a happy ending, whatever the sex of the other person was.

“So, why were you invited?” Tony asked, focusing on the amber liquid in his glass. “How important are you for my father that he invited you here?”

“I rented this mansion to him,” the guy replied simply and took a sip from his glass. Tony blinked and turned his head to the side to look at him.

The guy was really cool about it. Especially since he wasn’t treated by Tony the way he was supposed to. He just sat there, sipping on what seemed to be an absinthe – which was stupid, ‘cause Maria would never agree on absinthe on her party – and ignored everyone around. Well, apart from Tony.

Tony wondered what was the reason for it. He tried to remember if either Howard or Maria mentioned the name of the man owning the mansion, but he really couldn’t. No wonder, since he always turned himself off when they were starting to talk about business. And besides, he would never think the owner would be so handsome. He really imagined him as a fat, pompous Brit, who was supposed to be called a Lord or Sir, or something yet different.

“Why aren’t you with everyone else?” Tony asked, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The man turned to look at him, and it almost took his breath away. The corners of his lips were twitched just the slightest, in something that looked like a playful smile. Eyes were dark, but still reflecting light coming from every corner of the room. His skin was… almost snow white, and black short hair were brushed to the back, but still contrasting with the pale complection.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he said slowly, almost in a whisper, but still loud enough for Tony to hear. Was he playing with him or… _No, no, no_ , Tony thought to himself. _Stop it right now_. “Why aren’t you with the rest, Tony?”

Tony swallowed, lips parting for a moment. “I don’t… think I would have the time of my life with them,” he replied, shrugging lightly.

_Get yourself together, assbutt._

The man laughed at his answer and gave a short nod. “And here we agree. I don’t think I would have the time of my life with them, either,” he winked at Tony and downed his glass. It was surprising, but the guy didn’t even twitch, and Tony knew no one, who could down a whole glass of absinthe without twitching like they just drank lemon juice. “I have an idea. Let’s go out.”

“What?” Tony asked, shocked by the proposition. “Out? Where?”

“Oh, I don’t know… Lake, maybe?” The man grinned and stood up. “Come on, I know a great place.”

It was weird. Weird and wrong. On so many levels. Tony should just say no and stay here for another half an hour before going to bed. That would mean no trouble to get into and he would sleep a bit longer tomorrow, since Maria usually stayed up until the last guest went out. And that meant she would leave him alone tomorrow and didn’t wake him.

“Yeah. Okay,” Tony replied and downed his own glass, setting it away before he jumped off of his stool.

The owner of the mansion was so tall, especially when they were standing so close together. Tony could swear he got dizzy just for a moment, and it wasn’t the alcohol, oh no. It was the man’s smell. Standing so close to him, Tony was breathing it in and it was just— it made his heart flutter.

The guy started walking, like he didn’t notice anything, and Tony hoped he really didn’t. Young Stark followed him, waving at Maria, when he caught her eye. She was alone, which was weird, because she never left Howard’s side on events like that. Tony even wanted to go to her and ask her, where dad was when he hit back of the owner and he looked forward to see what happened.

“Ah, Mr. Laufeyson,” Howard said with a wide smile and shook the man’s hand. “How nice to see you. I hope you don’t mind the small changes my wife did to your mansion?”

The guy just laughed and shook his head. “Not at all. For what you paid me, you can do with this place close to anything.”

Tony swallowed and moved to stand to the side, slowly removing himself into the crowd. He really didn’t want to talk to Howard now. Sadly his father noticed him, and immediately frowned.

“Anthony? What are you doing here?” he asked, as though he was sure Tony did something wrong and now Howard was set to make things right.

“I would like to take him for a short walk around. If you don’t mind, that is,” Laufeyson said before Tony could reply to his father. “The boy’s curious about all the hiding places,” he added with a wide grin.

“Is he now?” Howard asked and frown slowly disappeared off his features. “Well, don’t show him too many safe houses or we might just leave him on our way back to the States,” he laughed, which sounded really fake, even for him.

“I’ll try not to. Now, if you excuse us.”

“Of course!” Howard waved his hand and ten looked at Tony again. “Remember, no trouble,” he muttered to him.

Tony clenched his teeth, trying not to blow up from the rush of anger filling his body. He gave a short nod to his father and started walking quickly. This time he was the one leading the way, and as soon as they walked out, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. A moment later he was breathing out a cloud of grey smoke.

Laufeyson joined him just a second later, watching him closely. The light was sipping through the windows and open door, making the dark surroundings look less dangerous. Tony wished for a total blackout now, though. Howard couldn’t even stop himself in front of a fucking home owner. He made Tony look like a fucking kid.

“Are you okay?” The man asked slowly, watching Tony closely.

Young Stark just nodded in response and pulled another bit of nicotine from his smoke. He looked away, not wanting to see the look on Laufeyson’s face. The last thing he needed now were weird looks from an old man he barely knew.

“Hey, it’s—“ the guy started, but didn’t know what to say and just stopped right there.

Tony didn’t speak up until his cigarette was gone. He stepped on the rest of it and put it out with a bit too much force. “Let’s just go,” he said and looked at their landlord, lips pursed. “Lead the way.”

The other nodded slowly and pushed his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. Tony followed, and they went slowly, not rushing anywhere.

They were walking for a long while and the slow pace actually worked miracles to Tony’s nerves. He calmed down, still thinking about his father, but not in a bad way anymore. He was more indifferent now to what happened back at the ball. At least he was at this moment. Howard was just slowly fading away from his mind and someone else was taking his place.

Tony still wasn’t sure if it was a nice change.

“What’s your name?” Tony asked, picking up the pace a bit to overtake the other since he was keeping himself at the back a bit. “I know your last name now, but I guess it’s rude to call you by that.”

The man chuckled and gave a small shrug, eyes locked on their way. “Loki.”

Tony’s brows rose a bit in slight surprise. “Loki? That’s a weird name,” he mumbled and looked in the direction they were heading. “Your parents must be proud of picking such a name. It’s the first time I hear it.”

“I guess they were, yes,” Loki replied plainly, licking over his lips.

Tony frowned and it took a second before he understood. “Oh, God, I am so sorry,” he said quickly.

“Don’t be. They’re gone for years now. I’m okay.”

Young Stark swallowed and kept quiet after that, choosing not to say anything instead of some gaffe.

They reached a small hill after a long while. They stopped at the peak of it and Tony had to take a deep breath as he noticed the view.

“Wow…”

The moon and stars were the only source of light in a few miles radius and Tony decided it was the best that could happen to this place.

He was sure it was the same lake they first met by, but it looked completely different in the moonlight.

It was quiet, no stir for long moments, just flat mirror-like surface. The reflection of the moon was making it look like the second light sky. Now Tony understood what a mistake it was to throw the magazine in it. He almost wanted to run and jump in just to take it out.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Loki’s soft voice broke the silence and Tony twitched, completely forgetting the other was there.

“It is. It’s amazing,” Tony breathed out and turned around. Loki was sitting on the ground, his suit jacket discarded somewhere behind him. His bowtie was undone, and so were a couple of buttons of his dress shirt. Tony swallowed hard – again – and walked just to sit down next to him. “I didn’t know a lake in the night can look so beautiful.”

Loki chuckled softly. “You don’t know a lot, then,” he teased him and gave him a long look, before turning his gaze back at the lake. “I like to come here often. It’s so peaceful. Makes me forget about everything around.”

Tony observed Loki, listening carefully. He didn’t respond at first, looking to the lake as well. “I could use a place like that in Cali. To relax and cut myself away from everybody,” he almost whispered, pulling his legs close to his chest.

He could feel Loki’s gaze on himself again, but didn’t reciprocate it. He enjoyed the view too much.

“We can share this place for the time of your stay,” Loki offered with a small smile. “And in the future, if you somehow decide to come back,” he added with a small chuckle.

“If?” Tony picked up and turned to him.

“Not many people, who come here, decide to visit again,” Loki explained, smiling at him lightly. “They all enjoy it and speak very nice about it, but when they leave, they leave for good.”

“Why did you stay?” Tony asked. “Or were you raised here?”

“No, not raised. I grew up in a similar place, just not on this island,” he replied slowly. “I came here, because… I wanted to run away. I found this place by an accident, and fell in love with it. Now it’s my home.”

Tony smiled softly and gave a small nod, feeling like he understood Loki completely.

He couldn’t think about himself living in a place like that, though. It was beautiful, but too melancholic and rainy for him. He needed the sun to live and breathe. When he wasn’t in his lab or room, he was outside, still studying and working.

He loved the feeling of the warm air on his skin, the sun burning bright in the sky. He loved getting sweaty from the high temperatures, unlike many people he knew. He just loved California. But, this small lake in England? He felt like he could fall in love with it eventually. Maybe when he’s older, who knows?

“Shame the summer’s cold this year. I would fancy a small night swim,” Loki said, dispersing Tony’s thoughts at once.

Young Stark raised his eyebrows, like he was just challenged. “It’s never too cold for a swim,” he grinned.

“Oh? You don’t think it’s cold?”

“It is,” Tony admitted, and shrugged a moment later. “But you said a small swim, we don’t have to stay in the water for an hour or anything,” he explained and stood up, taking off his suit jacket.

Loki watched him, eyes unsure.

Tony saw with his mind how someone walks by them and notices the situation. An eighteen-year-old kid undressing in front of a grown up man. But why should he care? Besides, it wasn’t like Loki was flirting with him or he was flirting with Loki. They were just hanging out, like colleagues.

Tony stripped to his boxer briefs and a white camis. He shivered a bit at the cool air hitting his skin, but he wouldn’t back out now.

Loki kept watching him, and Tony was really grateful that it was middle of the night now. He could feel his cheeks being almost hot red from the stare he was under.

Then Loki stood up as well and started taking off his clothes. He didn’t stop on his undershirt, though, and when he grabbed at the hem of his boxers, Tony had to turn around otherwise it wouldn’t end well.

“Somehow skinny dipping is a better idea. We won’t have to wait for our clothes to dry up on us before we dress again,” he chuckled.

“We?” Tony asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Loki agreed. “Let’s go, Stark. I won’t judge,” he teased and started scampering down the hill.

Tony watched him in the moonlight. Loki’s skin was snow white, and his hair even darker. He looked like a male version of Snow White and Tony snorted a bit at that. Loki was a lord, too, from what he knew, so he fit almost perfectly for the gender-swapped version of the story. He just needed his own prince or princess that would rescue him.

By the time Tony undressed, Loki reached the shore and without slowing down entered the lake. The splashes filled the air and Tony could even hear Loki gasp, probably at how cold the water was. It made him stop in his tracks for a split second, but he also didn’t want Loki to see him fully naked half way down the hill. He ran down, a small smile spreading over his lips as he felt the wind over his whole body. It felt like a relief and freedom. But once he reached the water, he actually started regretting his run.

The water was ice cold, and the bottom full of rocks. He almost fell as he set his foot on one of the sharper rocks. Thankfully, he didn’t cut himself. He wanted to move out of the water, but Loki was already waist deep and would very probably turn around soon. Tony swallowed and decided the quicker he walked further, the better. And so he made his way forward, teeth clattering and hands shaking, goosebumps rising to his skin all over.

Loki did turn around, but only when Tony was a few inches away from him. He smiled at him and winked, making Tony blush again. “How is it?”

“G-g-good,” Tony stammered out, making Loki chuckle. “Stop-p-p!”

“You sure you don’t wanna get out, Tony?” Loki teased him and Tony shook his head quickly. “Very well. You’ll get used to it soon. You just have to do one thing,”

“W-what?” Tony asked, looking at him curiously.

“This,” Loki grinned and grabbed Tony by his arms, pushing him down.

Tony didn’t even have time to stop him, going under faster than he could take a breath. He breathed in some water, but Loki pulled him up a moment later. Tony coughed, spitting up water out of his lungs. “Are you c-crazy?!” Tony breathed out.

Loki just laughed and started swimming away. “It feels better, innit?”

Tony stared at him, in fact not feeling as freezing as he was before. He shook his head and let out a disbelieving snort. He started swimming after Loki then, keeping his eyes on him.

Loki turned around and started swimming on his back, watching Tony from time to time. Who, by the way, was getting hotter, no matter the temperature of water. The light from the moon was enough to see all of Loki, even under the thin vale of the water. And Tony just couldn’t keep his eyes away. He was sure Loki eventually noticed, but he did nothing at all to stop Tony from watching.

Suddenly he changed his position in the water again, and swam right towards young Stark, who got scared. Now Loki will tell him how rude and inappropriate this was. What if Loki leaves him here after? Tony wasn’t sure if he could go back to the mansion all by himself, especially in the dark. And he didn’t want to spend here a whole night with temperatures so low. Not to mention the scare he would bring to Maria, and probably another fit of anger from Howard.

But, as Tony thought about what was going to happen Loki stopped in front of him and looked him directly in the eyes. Tony froze, the slight current of the lake pushing towards the older man. Loki’s eyes were so deep and full of curiosity, hypnotizing Tony to the point where he didn’t even have a single thought in his mind. That’s why he didn’t do anything when Loki grabbed him by his cheeks and pulled into a quick kiss.

The feeling of Loki’s lips on his own made him shudder, and when Loki pulled away he moved closer, parting his lips for more.

It was like they couldn’t even think straight, not a thought about the consequence of being caught bothering them. They kissed like they haven’t done that in years, panting and moaning quietly as they deepened the kiss again and again. Whenever they parted for air, it wasn’t for long and soon they were pressed against each other, hands roaming over their bodies as their legs tried to keep them afloat.

Tony didn’t remember how they got to the shore. All he was able to register was the feeling of Loki’s tongue against his and the feeling of cold, soft hands exploring every bit of his body.

They lied down on the grass, Loki on top of Tony, and young Stark moaned, his hands moving to Loki’s hips. God, he wanted him so bad.

“If I knew…” Loki chuckled as they broke the kiss again to get some air, and Tony looked at him a bit confused. The moon was starting to hide behind the clouds, so it was darker, but Loki still managed to grin at Tony’s expression. “I would have taken lube, at least,” he explained, kissing down Tony’s neck and nipping at his pulse.

Tony gasped, closing his eyes. “I’m n-not stretched,” he breathed out, his hands slowly moving to grope Loki’s ass.

“But I am,” was the response and he couldn’t help, but groan at that. What came next, though, made him whine in letdown. “But not tonight.”

Tony was opening his mouth to say something, but he took in a sharp breath instead. He felt Loki’s cock against his own as the other started rutting against him. His hands gripped firmer at Loki’s ass and he tried to impose faster pace, but it looked like Loki was determined to take it slow.

“Loki,” Tony pleaded, tilting his head a bit to look at him.

“Not tonight, Stark,” Loki replied hoarsely and initiated another deep kiss, shutting Tony up for now.

The friction from their bodies moving together was one of the best kind Tony was gifted to feel in his short life. He didn’t want to stop, but at the same time he wanted to reach the end to see if it would be as amazing. He moaned Loki’s name quietly right into the other’s mouth as they picked up the pace, Tony’s legs spreading to let Loki lay down in between them.

Soon Tony was writhing and praising Loki, their hard-ons giving him so much pleasure, he could barely catch a breath in between his own moans. It didn’t take long for him to finish, given his age and the fact he was already turned on by Loki before. He just heard Loki’s name being repeated in his own voice by the echo over the lake and he could feel Loki smile. They didn’t stop until Loki reached his release, and once he did, he stayed on top of Tony, breathing heavily into his neck.

Tony’s eyes fluttered shut – he was ready to fall asleep, Loki sheltering him for the low temperatures for now. He knew he couldn’t do that, though, so he just enjoyed the moment, breathing the fresh air mixed with Loki’s scent.

Soon all of the emotions started fading, and Tony’s mind cleared. He realized what just happened and swore under his breath making Loki frown. The man lifted himself on his elbows then, looking down at him confused. “What is it?”

“I’m _eighteen_ ,” Tony said, horrified Loki still couldn’t realize that. “We just- and you- what if they catch us?”

“Why would they catch us?” Loki asked and tilted his head to the side a bit. “There’s no one here.”

“But- what if someone heard us? They will lock you up and I will be screwed!”

Loki moved off of Tony and sat on the wet grass next to Loki. He didn’t seem to be bothered with what Tony just said, and when Tony sat up next to him, he didn’t even blink.

“Why are you so calm?” Tony asked him, heart racing with fear.

“I just don’t care. As simple as that,” Loki replied and looked at him, smiling.

“How can you?! If anyone finds out what happened here—“

“Tony,” Loki cut him off, sounding a bit tired. “I know the consequences. I knew them before and I do remember them now. And that still doesn’t make me care more.”

“How?” Tony repeated, stunned with what he just heard.

Loki let out a soft sigh and looked away. “Let’s just say it’s one of my new year resolutions. Now, let’s get you home. It’s gonna be dawn soon.”

Loki stood up and washed himself of their come, walking up the hill after. Of course, Tony watched him. Even now, after all he had realized, he couldn’t stop the reaction of his body at the sight of Loki’s. It did take him a minute before he washed himself off as well and quickly followed, pulling the dewy clothes on his still damp skin.

Loki waited for him and when they started walking, he tried to keep the conversation going. Tony didn’t respond at first, but soon started answering the questions. Loki asked about the life in California, mostly about the usual temperatures, free-time activities and Tony’s school. Tony told him all about the teachers he hated – which was most of them – and some of the funny stories when he knew more than them.

Loki listened, every word staying in his head. Tony thought at some point Loki was almost like a spy, gathering all the intel to get his mission done. He giggled at himself and when Loki asked what was so funny, Tony told him about that time he and his lab partner, Bruce, blew up their stand instead.

“Well, it’s time to finish our lovely night,” Loki said as they reached the front stairs of the mansion a long while later. He looked at Tony, a playful flicker dancing in his green eyes. It was dawning – just like Loki said – and was able to see more. “You have to forgive me, but there will be no good-bye kiss,” Tony rolled his eyes and Loki chuckled. “I wish you sweet dreams, Mr. Stark.”

“Don’t call me that,” Tony said quickly. “I’m not my father.”

“Apologies,” Loki nodded slightly. “Sweet dreams, Tony.”

Tony smiled at him and nodded himself. “Yeah, to you, too. And… thank you. For a great night.”

Loki just grinned proudly and bowed. “My pleasure,” he winked at Tony and walked away.

Of course, Tony watched him for a moment, before disappearing into the house himself.

Everything around was a mess, all of the guests gone by now. There was no one downstairs, and all the lights were off as well. Tony slowly made his way up to his room, but was cut off at the head of the stairs, where Maria was waiting.

“Tony!” she gasped and pulled him into a tight hug. “Where have you been? You told me you’d be in your room! And why are you so wet?” she asked, pushing Tony way at an arm’s length, still holding him, to get a better look at him.

“I was out all night. With Sir Laufeyson,” he said and shrugged. “He showed me around a bit and asked about dad all the time.”

“I’m gonna have to talk with that man. He can’t just take you out for so long without telling me!” she said and shook her head, eyes filled with motherly determination.

“Don’t, please. It was kind of fun,” Tony said and smiled at her. “He’s a cool guy. I mean Lord.”

Maria couldn’t help but chuckle. “Leave that to me, honey. And now come, let’s get those wet clothes off of you,” she pulled him close again, rubbing his arm to get him warmer.

An hour later Tony was finally left alone, dressed in his warm pajamas, hot water bottle lying in between his legs and all the possible blankets lying on top of him.

Tony lied with his eyes wide open for a long while, just thinking about the events of the last night. He was very aware of the fact that it was all kinds of wrong. He wasn’t just over ten years younger that Loki, they were both guys. Something that was hardly acceptable now, even with all those parades and gay agenda popping up everywhere from time to time. He just knew that none of his friends and family would accept what had happened to him, no matter if Loki was his age or not.

He knew all that and yet… He wanted more. Much more.

* * *

Over the course of the next few days Tony was seeing Loki regularly. Not because he was sneaking out to see him, oh no. Although, he was ready to do that, he wanted to do that the very next day he woke up after the banquet and the events by the lake.

It was unnecessary, because Loki wasn’t exactly hiding anymore. He stopped by their – his – mansion every time he was out on a walk, and it turned out he was leaving his own mansion pretty often. He had a talk with Maria about that over coffee after about a week of regular visits, Tony of course sitting with them. As usual, there was no Howard around, Tony’s father always busy with work, even when the owner of the mansion they were renting was stopping by with a visit.

“So, Mr. Laufeyson,” Maria asked, sitting comfortably in her chair, a white sun hat keeping the bright sunlight away from her face. She was all dressed in white again, and Tony was really glad. He like her the best in white clothing, he found her the most beautiful in that color. “I’m thinking you pick your route around our house on purpose just to join us so often,” she smiled.

Loki chuckled lightly. He was dressed in a light black dress pants, a dark green dress shirt and a black fedora hat now resting on his knee. He was holding the cup of coffee in his hands, and looking at Maria with respect and kindness, his eyes almost shimmering in the sunlight.

“I can’t help myself. You are such a fine company, my lady,” he bowed his head lightly at her and she reciprocated the gesture. “It’s a sad fact your husband never joined us, though. I’m thinking it’s the amount of work that keeps him away, or am I wrong?”

Tony couldn’t help but snort, but kept any comment he wanted to say to himself once he met Maria’s disapproving eyes. When she saw her silent reprimand worked, she turned back to Loki, a kind and soft smile back on her lips. “Sadly, you’re right. The amount of work my husband has here is what keeps him away even from family meals. We barely see each other,” she admitted. “Not something I can still get used to. I don’t think many people could get use to a life like that.”

“I understand,” Loki nodded, and Tony felt it wasn’t just kindness from Loki’s side; it was like he knew what Maria was talking about. And he indeed did know, as it turned out. “My family’s relationship with my father was very similar to yours, my lady. But, I must say, you are luckier, so to speak. My father never took us with him whenever he was forced to leave for work for more than just a few days. There were times we didn’t see him for months.”

“What was your father’s branch of work, if I may know?” Maria asked, watching Loki closely.

“Weapons,” Loki replied simply and glanced at Tony. “We lived in a country that tried to keep away from all the wars, but our army still needed weapons. And because of the war, it was hard to buy some good ones.”

“Oh, so you’re not an Englishman?” Maria smiled curiously.

“Am not, my lady,” Loki smiled at her and took a sip from his cup before continuing. “I was born in Sweden. Raised there, as well. I moved here in my early twenties.”

Tony knew Loki wasn’t from here, but he had no idea he could be from a different country. His accent was so pure and there wasn’t even a moment when he let his native accent or words slip. Even when they were swimming, when he was relaxed, Loki used a more common British accent, and not his own. Tony started listening a bit more now, hungry for more secret of Loki’s. The man was a walking mystery to him and he wanted to get to know him better.

Maria’s curiosity seemed to be woken up as well, as she leaned a bit closer to the table that was keeping her and Loki apart.

“Is that so?” she asked. “What made you come here?”

Loki let out a bitter chuckle and Tony frowned, both curious and worried. What if it was a hard part of Loki’s life to talk about? His parents were dead, maybe that was the reason he left? Maybe he couldn’t deal with their death?

Loki took in a deep breath and set cup away on the table, looking at the garden around them. “I couldn’t get along with my brother. He took over the company after my father, and since he wasn’t the only heir… We had our share of fighting over the right decisions,” he smiled and looked at Tony for a short moment before looking to Maria. “I decided to take some part of what belonged to me and leave the company in his hands. I chose this place ‘cause it almost feels like home. Just without all the troubles,” he chuckled softly.

“I understand, Howard has trouble running the company as well, with the board always making more trouble than necessary,” Maria smiled at Loki and finished her coffee. “Speaking of which, I need to check on my dear husband. I’ll leave you with Tony.”

Tony’s eyes lit up and he tried to hide a grin of pleasure. Maria still noticed and her eyes narrowed for a moment. Tony tried to calm down, doing his best to hide his reaction; Maria was incredibly smart and she would surely figure out what was going on if Tony wouldn’t keep himself in check.

“Of course,” Loki replied as though he didn’t notice anything.

Maria send their guest a small smile before walking away and inside. They could hear her footsteps echoing as she crossed the great hall and then started walking up the stairs. Tony kept quiet the whole time, not knowing if it was okay with Loki to act like he wanted to – like he wanted to tell him how much he wanted him again.

Loki watched the whole time though, obviously waiting for him to speak up. When that didn’t happen he just sighed and poured some more coffee into his cup. “Why so anxious?”

“Anxious? Me?” Tony asked and shook his head quickly, looking down at his Def Leppard shirt. “I just—I don’t know how to act.”

Loki frowned, confused. “How to act? What do you mean? You know my opinion on that. I don’t care if anyone finds out,” he said slowly, peacefully, like he was still talking with Maria about some random stuff.

“But—I care,” Tony said and frowned. “If they find out, they will send me away and you will go to jail,” he said with a whisper and winced. “And I don’t want to leave or you to end up locked up.”

Loki looked him in the eyes, and kept the connection for a moment. Tony could see such a range of emotions in the green orbs, changing faster than a heartbeat, it almost made him dizzy.

“That’s very nice of you, Tony,” he eventually said and looked away. “Thank you.”

It weirdly stung Tony. He didn’t know what answer was he expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. He watched Loki, and when the man didn’t look at him again, he looked away himself, staring at his black sneakers.

They stayed quiet until Maria came back. Tony excused himself then, and walked upstairs to his room, where he locked himself up. He sat by the window, where he had a good view on the garden and, most important, where Loki and his mother sat. He watched them, the sting in his chest growing more painful and annoying.

He didn’t know why he felt that way. It felt wrong for some reason, and he hated that Loki replied like that. Like he didn’t care about what happened as much as Tony did. Like it was just a one-time deal. And Tony, oh Tony. Tony wanted more. It wasn’t a one-time deal for him. He was hoping for more, and with Loki coming here so often, it made Tony feel like the man wanted the same.

But obviously, Tony was wrong about him.

When Loki left, he didn’t even look at Tony’s window. He said good bye to Maria and some of the stuff before walking away towards his own mansion. Tony gritted his teeth, the pain in his chest turning into anger. He was so stupid, so naïve. How could he let himself fall for that asshole?

He started pacing the room angrily, hands fisted to keep himself from demolishing the place. When he couldn’t stand the four walls around him he walked out, downstairs and outside. At first he thought about the lake, but he immediately remembered what happened there. Once he left the mansion and its grounds, he started running in the opposite direction, soon entering the forest.

The trees grew so close together, there was no way to tell which branches belonged to which tree. It was dark as though it was a late evening and not the noon. The birds were chirping and Tony could hear squirrels jumping from tree to tree once he eventually stopped. He didn’t know how far in the woods he was, but he didn’t care because he was still angry – whether at Loki or himself it didn’t matter for now. He was just freaking angry.

Tony looked around, surrounded by the trees and big bushes. He took in a deep breath and started screaming, face twisted with anger. The birds flew off the branches, leaves swooshing under their wings. Once he was finished, Tony took another breath to scream again before falling to the ground. It was wet, but he didn’t care; he was already wet from his run.

“Fuck,” he whined with a wince and sat down on the ground, back resting against one of the trees. He closed his eyes and covered his face with hands, breathing heavily as he tried to ignore the sting in his chest.

The silence around him helped to relax, his heartbeat going back to normal after a while and breathing evening out. It’s the sting that didn’t want to go away, though. Tony tried his best and every single way he knew to keep his mind away from Loki, but it didn’t work. He started thinking he actually fell in love with the man, but it was impossible; he never let himself fall for anyone and Loki wasn’t an exception – just wasn’t. There was absolutely no way Tony fell for him.

That was still considered a possibility, even if he didn’t like that.

It soon turned pitch black and the air around Tony turned cold. Goosebumps rose to his skin and he stood up, eyes adjusting to the darkness around him. He decided that was a very good moment to go back, so he started walking in the directions he ran from. Or so he thought.

Around an hour later he was till deep in the woods, and he could hear cracking and moves in the bushes around him. He got scared, because he realized he got lost. And now, when it was so dark, there was no way he would get out of here. He stopped and looked around, swallowing when he saw a shadow moving somewhere in the distance. He shuddered, both from fear and cold.

It didn’t take much longer for him to start walking again, and way faster as well. It didn’t help, because he felt like he was walking in circles. He also couldn’t stop shuddering, and the fact that he felt like something was following him didn’t really help. His throat tightened and he closed his eyes for a short moment, trying to calm down.

That was when he tripped, falling face first onto the leaves-littered ground. He hit his head on the root hidden under the leaves and let out a painful gasp. “Fuck.”

Everything got just more dark around him, and it wasn’t because there was no source of light. Tony grabbed at the spot where it hurt the most and hissed, getting dizzy. He fell down, ending up an all fours as he waited for it all to go away. He barely heard anything, too, and maybe that was good, because that way he wasn’t getting any more nervous.

After a long while – a while that felt like a whole night – Tony finally felt better. He sat on the ground and licked over his dried-up lips, taking in a deep breath. It took him a moment before he opened his eyes and got used to the darkness around him. He immediately regretted not passing out from his head injury, because that would be much better than what he saw.

There was a pair of bright, shining eyes right in front of him, maybe a few feet away. It wasn’t human, and Tony could hear his own heart beating so loud he didn’t hear a single thing apart from that. The eyes were staring at him without blinking and Tony was paralyzed, sure he was about to die in much bigger pain than a hit in the head gave him.

The animal started moving slowly towards him and Tony pushed himself backwards, trying not to make a sound. It didn’t work, ‘cause the dry leaves were rustling under his shoes. The animal growled and Tony let out a pathetic whine when his back hit the tree trunk.

“Please, don’t,” he mumbled, desperately, wincing in fear.

The animal suddenly stopped, as though it understood and decided to take mercy on him. The next moment and the bright eyes were gone, leaves rustling under its paws as it ran off. Tony closed his eyes and sighed in relief, gripping at the front of his shirt. He swore he could feel how fast his heart was beating under all that bone, muscles and skin.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps and his eyes opened again. He was blinded by a bright light and covered himself with his hand. Then he heard his name and the light was directed somewhere else.

“Tony,” came the relieved voice and a cold hand rested on his thigh. “Tony, are you okay?”

Stark recognized the voice immediately and he looked up just to see Loki’s face. It was twisted with worry, his eyes black in the darkness.

“What are you doing here?” Tony mumbled and pushed his hand away weakly.

It confused Loki and he didn’t reply for a second, just watching Tony closely. “I’m looking for you. We all are,” he replied softly.

“We?” Tony repeated, voice hoarse.

Loki gave a short nod and his hand was back on Tony’s thigh. He didn’t push it way this time.

“Your parents, the staff… We’re all looking for you.”

Loki’s hand then moved from Tony’s thigh to his cheek and he moved closer to Tony. “I was so worried. Never run off like that,” he whispered.

“Why do you care?” Tony replied in a whisper as well, looking at Loki. “You don’t care about me.”

Loki frowned and his hand moved slowly down Tony’s cheek, ending up on his shoulder. “What makes you think that? Of course, I care.”

“Bullshit,” Tony breathed out and pushed Loki away. “You don’t care. You said so today,” he added and pulled himself up, wincing at the pain in his head.

“Tony, stop. You hit your head, you can’t move too fast,” came Loki’s worried voice and a strong arm wrapped around Tony’s shoulders. “Now, let me explain.”

Tony snorted and tried moving away from Loki, but when he got dizzy again, he stopped. “I don’t want to hear it,” he mumbled.

Loki sighed and turned Tony slowly so they were now face to face. “I _do_ care about you,” he said and looked Tony straight in the eyes, cupping his chin so Tony wouldn’t have a chance to look away. “What I said earlier, I realize how it must have sounded, but I didn’t know what to say. Tony, I come by every day just for you,” he said, leaning closer. “As much as I enjoy talking to your mother, I come just for you.”

Tony watched him, going through his every word. “But—“ he started and pressed his lips together, frowning in thought. “But—you never—“

“There’s just as much I can do with your mother around,” Loki cut him off, now hugging him loosely. “And I can’t have you coming to me, because that would raise suspicions.”

“You said you don’t care what they say,” Tony pointed out, swallowing. His throat was dry and hurting from the screaming; he would do a lot for water, but Loki was more important, for now.

“But I care what happens to you,” Loki said and kissed Tony’s forehead, cool lips soothing to his hurting head. “They can do whatever they want with me, but I care too much to bring anything bad on you,” he whispered and leaned in to kiss Tony softly.

Tony reacted almost immediately, pressing himself close to Loki and gripping lightly at the other’s shirt. He wanted for that to happen for a whole week. If he knew getting lost in the woods would help a lot then maybe… or no, he wouldn’t risk it even if he knew. He still enjoyed the kiss, getting everything he could out of it.

When they finally parted, both were gasping for air. Loki smiled lightly and cupped Tony’s cheek again, watching him. “We need to get you back,” he hummed and ran his thumb over Tony’s upper lip.

Young Stark just gave a short nod and moved to lean against Loki’s side before they started walking.

Once they reached the searching party they were parted, Maria pulling Tony away to check on him. He was still able to see how Howard thanked Loki. They talked for a while, and when Howard finally said his goodbyes and joined his son and wife, he was looking more worried than mad. It was a new look on him, but Tony was sure the anger about making so much fuss around himself would reach him soon.

“Let’s get you home,” Howard said and wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders while Maria took Tony’s hand.

They walked back to the mansion in peace and silence, and Tony couldn’t help but think that for this, for having both Howard and Maria on his sides at the same time, that he would get lost in the woods for.

 

He spent the next few days inside the mansion, rarely going outside. Maria was with him almost all the time, and as much as he loved his mother it was getting really annoying. At one point she almost walked to the toilet with him, and when he pointed it out awkwardly she just chuckled and waited by the door.

He knew he should have seen that coming after what he’s done, but that didn’t change the fact that as an eighteen-year-old guy he needed some privacy. And that he could only get while locked up in his room. He did use that excuse more and more often every day, pretending he napped even five times a day. In reality he either worked on his blueprints or wished for Loki to come and visit (and maybe take him away so he could be alone with him again).

Sadly, Loki seemed to keep away from the mansion, and Tony didn’t really have a way to somehow visit Loki himself. First of all, he didn’t know where Loki lived. Perhaps locals would help him, show him the right direction, or even lead him all the way to Loki’s mansion. But that lead to the second point – Tony couldn’t really leave this place. Not now, anyway. He supposed he would have to wait  a few more days for Maria to calm down and trust him enough to stop guarding him. He just really wished it would be much sooner than later.

What was really surprising about the whole situation was Howard. Tony started seeing him on a daily basis. His father was joining them on every meal instead of having a maid bringing it to him. He even tried to keep a conversation going, and while it turned mostly to be an awkward exchange of short sentences, Tony really was happy about it. Of course, Howard would get back to his office the moment he was done eating, but that was still a lot of time given to his family compared to the past.

Finally, two weeks after the incident in the woods, Tony was free. And it wasn’t because Maria decided to leave him alone at last.

That day Tony walked downstairs for breakfast, still in his pajamas, hair a mess and a big yawn on his lips, only to see a table set for one person – for him. He frowned confused, and looked at the maid standing in the doorway next to him.

“What’s going on?” he asked her, scratching his belly through the shirt,

“Your parents had to leave early this morning for business reasons,” she replied, cheeks a light shade of pink. “They will be back in a couple of days, and apologize for not telling you anything.”

Tony’s frown deepened and he pressed his lips together, confused. Why they wouldn’t tell him they were going away? He wouldn’t be exactly mad about it, it wasn’t the first time Howard was taking Maria with him. Then he thought that maybe it had something to do with Stark Foundation, which Maria was a CEO of. It would mean they were going back to US, and wouldn’t be back for at least four days.

Tony couldn’t help but grin at that; it meant he was finally left alone, no one to guide him and keep him inside the mansion.

He thanked the maid for the information and sat down by the table to eat his breakfast. Meanwhile he already made plans of what he should do with his freedom. He didn’t think long about it, Loki popping up in his mind pretty quickly. A walk it was, then. He decided he’ll ask one of the service if they knew the way to Loki’s house so he could be the one visiting the first time.

Only an hour after getting up Tony was ready to leave – he took a quick, but thorough shower, dressed in comfortable, but occasional clothes, remembering Loki almost always was wearing a suit while visiting them. When he walked downstairs, the maid whom he met at breakfast was cleaning the floors. She noticed him and blushed brightly, which made Tony smirk. Good, that was exactly his point to look as best as he could.

“Sorry,” he walked towards her and she only blushed brighter, bowing lightly as he stopped by her. “Do you know the way to Sir Loki’s mansion?”

She blinked a bit surprised and nodded, looking around before she spoke up. “I do, young master. But,” she hesitated for a moment, “we were told not to let you leave the house,” she finished quietly.

Tony frowned at first, mad that his parents wanted to keep him inside, even while they were away. He was almost an adult, for fuck’s sake, he knew how to take care of himself. One moment of weakness didn’t make him a five year old child again.

“Come on,” he said, smiling brightly at her. “I really wanna thank him, for what he’s done, and I’ll be back before the night,” he promised, hoping at the same time that he would spend the whole night with Loki, in his master bedroom.

The girl bit on her bottom lip, and she looked so cute and innocent; if it wasn’t for Loki, Tony would probably seduce her and bring her up to his room for the night. “I don’t know…”

“Please?” Tony tried, making his best puppy face. “It would mean the world to me.”

Tony saw how she was giving up under his look, her cheeks going deep red as she finally nodded. “Okay,” she breathed out and swallowed. “Follow me,” she said quietly and lead Tony to the back of the house, through the part of the main floor that belonged to the service. Once they stopped by the back door, she turned to Tony and explained to him how to reach Loki’s mansion. He listened carefully and once she was done, he repeated it to her, only to hear that he remembered it all right.

“Thanks,” he grinned at her and pecked her cheek without thinking about it.

The girl only blushed deeper, mumbling something in return, but Tony was already walking out. He walked briskly, following the directions he received. It didn’t help that the day was rather cold, sun – as always – hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. It didn’t look like it was about to rain, though, and Tony really hoped it wouldn’t.

As it turned out after a while, it was just wishful thinking. The heavy drops of rain hit him out of nowhere, and it took only a couple minutes to get thoroughly wet, from head to toes. His feet were almost swimming in his shoes and he started running through the heavy rain, hoping he wasn’t far from Loki’s place. When he finally saw the big mansion on the horizon behind the trees he only picked up the pace, thinking about some dry clothes and something warm to drink.

He reached the small woods surrounding the mansion and slowed down there, the thick tree branches protecting him from the rain. He took a deep breath, dying for a glass of water after the long run. He looked ahead of himself and saw an empty place behind the trees. He grinned, and started walking, not too fast, but also not too slow. He would run if his lungs wouldn’t hurt from all the exertion.

The walk was quite short, he really though the small forest would be a bit wider. Once he passed by the last of the trees he stopped and looked at the mansion before him. It was huge. Bigger than the one he and his parents were now living in. It was painted in white, only the sinuses around the windows and columns at the front of the house painted dark blue. Even the roof was white. Tony took a deep breath; the mansion had to have at least a hundred rooms. That made Tony wonder, why would a man without a family – at least not a family in the same country – would buy such a big house? What, just for the sheer pleasure of telling people his house had so many rooms?

Most of the place was probably out of use. If Tony knew Loki – which was not much, but still enough (for now) – Loki would probably need one room, maybe two, a bathroom, place to sit down and relax and guest room in case he had visitors. That wasn’t even one tenth of the mansion.

Tony slowly made his way along the border of the small forest, wanting to find a path leading to the front door. It took a few minutes, with how big the whole property was, and once he made it to the sandy path he headed for the wide, white stairs and a big wooden front doors. The path had neatly trimmed bushes on both sides every few feet, making it feel like Tony was walking to get a prize at the end of it.

Tony started getting antsy as he made his way up the few stairs and towards the door. He didn’t know where to knock, he didn’t see a massive handle at the door, as he always saw in the movies and old English illustrations. He just knocked a bit harder than he usually would and stepped back, clearing his throat.

Nothing happened for the first few seconds and he started to wonder if anyone heard. He was still soaking wet, and wanted to just get inside and had an opportunity to get warm and dry up.

When he started doubting there was anyone home – and after a few more knocks – he turned around to sit at the stairs and wait for something – either for the rain to stop or for someone to go back. That was when the door creaked open and a surprised voice reached Tony’s ears.

“Tony? What are you doing here?”

Tony turned back around and looked at Loki, who didn’t look like himself. He was wearing an old, dirty jeans and a loose t-shirt, also dirty. The stains looked like different colors of paint, and Tony frowned. Loki never said he liked painting.

“Hi,” he replied and smiled at Loki awkwardly. “I, uh- I wanted to come by and… see if everything’s okay,” he shrugged. “Can I come in? I’m freezing,” he added quickly, starting to shiver as it started to blow.

“Of course,” Loki said and stepped to the side to let him in. Tony didn’t really have the time to look around the hall, because Loki grabbed him by the arms once the door closed and eyed him from head to toes. “You’re soaking wet,” he whined. “Let’s get you some dry clothes.”

“I’d l-love that,” Tony said, stuttering a bit. He was really getting cold.

Loki led him to the side where the big, marble stairs started. They walked upstairs and turned right, to the first door. Loki let Tony in first and it turned out to be a bathroom. It was all white, almost hospital-like white. It looked very sterile, and Tony thought about an operations room. The smell was completely different, though. He smelled flowers, and just the scent itself was making him feel warm.

“Undress,” Loki commanded. “I’ll get you dry clothes,” he said and before Tony could answer, he was left alone.

He quickly did as Loki told him to, and soon was standing naked in the middle of the room. He grabbed one of the towels hanging by the huge bathtub opposite to door of the bathroom, and dried himself before wrapping it around his waist. That was when Loki walked in, carrying an armful of clothes. It turned out to be some old sweatpants, a black sleeveless singlet and a really thick sweater. There was a pair of socks and underwear as well and Tony thanked Loki with a relieved sigh as he dressed in front of him.

The moment he put the sweater on, he shivered with a pleased hum. He was almost immediately warm and he closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling. Loki in the meantime put Tony’s clothes in the dryer and took the younger man’s hand. “Come, I made some tea,” he said softly and lead him out and down the stairs.

Now Tony had an opportunity to look at the hall, which was huge.

Not surprisingly, the walls and floor were white, with golden specks on the floor and elements on the walls. There was a round, dark brown table in the middle, and there stood a huge bouquet of white roses. Tony could almost smell them as they walked across the hall towards the other steps, that went up by the wall. Everything looked so… rich. Howard would love the space just for the sheer satisfaction of having such a mansion in his possession, whereas Maria would be delighted about the designs.

“Did you did it all yourself?” Tony asked quietly, afraid of the echo.

“No, I didn’t build it,” Loki teased and when he noticed Tony rolling his eyes, he chuckled. “I didn’t design it, too. Just restored it. Well, most of it. I still have half of the west wing to work on.”

“You’re restoring the place?”

Loki nodded in response and closed the door behind them once they left the hall and entered the living room. At least it looked like a living room to Tony. There was a simple, brown carpet covering the whole floor. The opposite wall was made out of bookshelves, full ones, at that. The high window on the wall to Tony’s right was half covered with brown lacey curtains, letting just as much light from the outside as it was needed. There was a huge, crystal chandelier on the ceiling, all of the lightbulbs lit up, as the rain and the dark clouds weren’t letting any light in. On the wall opposite to the window was a chimney, taking up most of the space. The fire was cracking in it, and the smell of wood filled the room, making it even warmer. In the middle of the floor was a long and wide couch, made out of green material that looked like flax mixed with wool. Before it stood a small wooden coffee table with two cups of tea on it. On the sides stood two matching armchairs. And finally, at the left corner of the room stood a piano.

When they sat down on the couch, Loki wrapped a blanket around Tony and handed him a mug of steaming tea. “Drink up. You’ll feel better.”

Tony obeyed and sipped on his tea, watching the chimney. There was nothing on it, which was odd, ‘cause usually people placed pictures of family and friends or tacky figures on it. There was also another feature that seemed weird to Tony and he decided to ask about it first.

“You don’t have a TV?”

“No,” Loki sat down next to him and crossed his legs as he moved to face Tony’s side, a cup in his hands. “I don’t need it. I spend my time restoring the house mostly. I don’t need any more distractions,” he winked at Tony.

Stark would have blushed if he already wasn’t red on his cheeks, it was this warm by the chimney.

“Why did you come?” Loki asked then, his head tilted to the side a bit.

Tony frowned and looked at him. “Well, I didn’t see you in two weeks, and I thought that something might’ve happened…”

“Like?” Loki sounded surprised and… irritated.

“I don’t know,” Tony said, starting to worry. He didn’t expect Loki to react like that; it’s not like he was asking him to have sex with all the curtains open so people could see them. “I was just—I don’t know,” he whined and looked down at his lap hidden under the blanket. “I just wanted to see you.”

He could hear Loki sigh helplessly, but he didn’t dare to look up at him, even when Loki spoke up.

“Tony, I told you in the woods – you can’t come here.”

“But… why?” Tony mumbled after a moment of silence. “I missed you.”

“Or you just want to screw me. Either way, you can’t,” Loki said, sounding more and more angrier. “It’s not safe. People will talk.”

“About what?” Tony snorted and looked at him, being snarky now. “About me visiting my neighbor? Big fucking deal.”

“No,” Loki snapped. “I have an opinion, and not a good one.”

Tony rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. “So? Everyone has one. My dad has a bad opinion, I have a bad opinion. I don’t care what others think about you,” he fumed, getting both angry and scared.

“You don’t understand,” Loki muttered with a shake of his head and stood up, setting his cup away on the coffee table. “It’s not the kind of opinion you and your father have.”

“Then tell me?” Tony prompted, watching him walk in front of the chimney. “What’s so wrong about you, huh?”

Loki kept quiet, pacing the space anxiously. It looked like he was about to make a very hard decision in his life and Tony didn’t like that one bit. This couldn’t be anything good, if the other was acting like that. But on the other hand, perhaps he was overreacting and it was, in fact, nothing? It could be anything in the world, a third nipple (which wouldn’t exactly be all that bad for Tony, at all), six toes on each foot...

Suddenly Loki stopped and rubbed his face tiredly before he took a turn to look at Tony. They looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, Loki’s green ones so dark with uncertainty and fear, it made Tony even more anxious, if not completely frightened. And then Loki opened his mouth.

“Six months ago,” he started and swallowed, “something happened. I—I had an affair with a boy, aged just like you,” he cleared his throat. “It was… an adventure for both of us, but he—he had a fiancée. I didn’t know that when we started meeting, he didn’t tell me. I found out when she—“ he sighed and looked down. “She caught us by the lake.”

Tony listened, but he wasn’t sure if what he heard was reaching him. Loki admitted to having someone younger before; okay, it wasn’t all that bad. But if he was making such a big deal out of this, then… And it wasn’t just about the just-mentioned fiancée, it was about the way Loki spoke about this. Like the guy… meant something to him.

“The lake,” Tony repeated quietly. He was hurting all over, and it wasn’t because of either the cold or warmth. Oh, no. “You had sex with him by the lake. And she caught you,” he mumbled, looking blindly at the steaming coffee in his mug. He started to feel like shit, and he couldn’t really stop all of it. It was just coming as Loki kept telling his story.

“Yes,” Loki nodded. “She told everyone. And the boy… he ran off. I didn’t see him since,” he uttered, his throat tight. It was hard for him to talk about it, especially with Tony. “Some say he—that he killed h-himself.”

Tony looked up at Loki as he stammered for a moment. Tony’s eyes were wide, blank, face washed out of any emotion. He felt so hard for Loki, he even thought for a moment that maybe, just maybe, that Loki was his first real love. He really thought about him like that, and it wasn’t just because he wanted to have sex with him. Tony was smart enough to tell apart a strong, deep feeling and simple lust. He was really, deeply and heavily into Loki.

Perhaps that was why it hurt so bad to hear it all.

“You had an affair with a guy not such a long time ago,” he started, staring at Loki, whose eyes were now scared. Just wide and scared, almost like a little doe, who lost its parents in the woods. “And you—you loved him. Didn’t you?” When Loki nodded, that was the first stab to the heart that hurt like hell. Tony regretted asking it, but what other choice did he have now? He already figured out Loki and that guy had something more going on. But, he still had one more question he wanted answered.

“You still do?”

There was a moment of silence, and Tony could hear the rain outside, banging against the windows and walls. It felt like he was waiting there forever, making a fool out of himself again, and all because of Loki. Tony would just never learn, wouldn’t he?

When Loki gave a soft, barely visible nod, that was when Tony felt like his chest was ripped open and all of his insides pulled out. He looked away, unable to look at Loki anymore, because it already hurt too much. He swallowed, breathing shaky as he inhaled and exhaled quickly.

“But Tony,” Loki started quickly. “What I feel for you—“

“No,” Tony cut him off, a single tear running down his cheek. “Don’t talk.”

“Tony—“

Tony stood up then, throwing the blanket away and walking out of the room. He just wanted to walk out, away. If Loki wouldn’t shut up, that was the only way, otherwise he would keep getting more and more hurt and he wasn’t sure if he could take any more.

“Tony, wait!” Loki called after him, but Tony started running, sliding on the floor in his – Loki’s – socks. He pulled the big wooden door open, feeling Loki’s hand grabbing his arm. He shook it away and ran outside, gasping for breath as more tears ran down his cheeks. It all mixed with drops of rain hitting his face, and he was more than glad, because he couldn’t let Loki see what he did to him. Especially when he could still hear Loki going after him, and some of the pain was replaced by anger.

“Fuck off!” Tony screamed at him, running as fast as he could, and disappearing into the woods to lose the other.

He wanted to scream, scream until all of the pain goes away and leaves his whole aching body numb enough for him to function. He was sure he would have to, for Maria, Howard… but he couldn’t imagine it now.

Tony slowly crossed the woods, and didn’t walk faster when he walked out onto the road leading to his house. He didn’t want to reach it, not with eyes red from crying and his heart in pieces. He needed time to grip himself together, to at least look like nothing that big had happened.

When he finally reached the back door of the mansion, he was soaking wet again, and shaking from the cold. He stepped inside slowly, as quietly as he could, leaving wet trail after himself. The inside of the house was warm, definitely warmer then outside. He still was shaking like crazy, teeth clattering and sending a small echo through the hall.

He was almost out of the staff’s part of the building, when he got tackled to the ground by someone.

“Oh, God, young master! I am so sorry!” Tony heard a screech and he winced, almost curling up on himself. “Y-young master?” came the voice again and Tony looked up, shaking on the floor. It was that girl again, the one that helped him get to Loki’s mansion. She looked incredibly scared, almost to death. She probably thought she would lose her job now.

“O-oh, h-hi,” he tried to grin at her, but clattering teeth made it absolutely impossible.

“Young master’s soaked,” she whispered and slowly helped him up. “I’ll help.”

“N-n-no,” Tony stammered out. “D-don’t…”

But she didn’t listen to him anymore. She took him up to Tony’s room and bathroom, where she sat him down on the edge of the tub. The water started running a moment later and the whole room was soon filled with steam. It made Tony shudder even more, but from relief now. The girl helped him undress and then into the bath, leaving him be.

He slowly stopped shaking, and relaxed in the water, eyes closed and only his head sticking out. He tried not to think about Loki, knowing it would just make things worse. If he wanted to survive, he needed to contain all of his feelings about the man and bury them deep inside, for no one to see.

He had no idea how long he was in the water, but when the maid came to see if he was okay, she brought him his own fresh and warm clothes. He got out then, and dried up, not bothering with the clothes. The girl looked at him, her eyes moving down his body and quickly away, cheeks turning red.

“What’s your name?” Tony asked, watching her closely.

“Gemma, young master,” she replied, still not looking at him.

Tony knew how he could forget about Loki, even if just for a moment, but he needed that. He needed a clear, Loki-free mind. And he couldn’t think about any other way. This girl here, she would help him with that, he was sure of that. He just hoped he wouldn’t regret it later.

“Gemma,” he repeated and walked closer to her. She noticed and twitched slightly. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” she said, her voice shaky, and cheeks still red.

Tony smiled at that and moved to stand in front of her. “Have you ever been with a man, Gemma?”

She glanced at him, eyes sliding down his body again. They stayed there this time and she gave a slight nod, biting on her bottom lip.

“Good,” Tony gasped and pulled her close, kissing deeply.

She immediately kissed him back, and undressed as they moved to the bedroom and onto the bed.

She did wonders to sooth his loud mind. He focused on her, on her voice as she moaned in pleasure underneath and above him. Tony had no idea how long they fucked, and he didn’t care as long as he didn’t think about Loki. Gemma turned out to be a very flexible girl, and Tony made sure to compliment that as they continued to fuck.

Once they both got their release, Gemma took a moment of rest and went to clean up after them.

“I hope we’ll repeat that some time,” she purred as she left his room.

Tony just looked at the ceiling and curled up in a fetal position, all of the pain slowly coming back to him. He felt worse than before, and didn’t even think about leaving the room for the rest of the day. In fact, he wanted to stay here until the time came for his family to go back to the States.

Anything that would help in not seeing or hearing about Loki again.

* * *

Tony didn’t even dare looking in the direction of Loki’s mansion for the next weeks. He was a walking ghost even without that, and it was enough that Maria was constantly pestering him to tell her what’s wrong. It wasn’t hard to see something happened once they got back. Even Howard saw there was something really wrong with his son, and both him and Maria tried talking to him as soon as they saw him, but Tony just refused to speak at all and locked himself back in his room again.

Howard either gave up or left the situation in Maria’s hand. Either way, he left Tony alone and tried to act normal during meals.

Maria behaved completely different, walking around with Tony, pulling him out of his room and outside, talking with him about nonsense when he didn’t answer her worried questions. She wouldn’t give up and that’s just how Maria was like when it came to her family – she was very protective of everyone and wouldn’t stop until she could finally help.

Tony wanted to talk about Loki with someone, needed to speak his mind and cry into someone’s shoulder, but he knew he couldn’t talk with anyone. Only with Loki, and it was out of the question. He kept meeting with Gemma every few days – in his room, her room, the cupboard… Everywhere where they could hide and be unbothered as they fucked. One time he was close to telling her about Loki and how hurt he was, but… she wasn’t the right person; he didn’t trust her enough – if at all – to talk with her about something so important.

And so Tony was left alone to deal with a broken heart.

He never thought it would happen to him. If anything, he would be the one breaking hearts. He was more or less sure he already did that, and now, when he felt their pain, he regretted every decision in his past that lead him to playing with others’ feelings. Especially when he was curled up on the bed, crying into his pillow.

Time didn’t seem to help him at all; he was just getting worse, and he was dreadfully aware of that. A week after the events in Loki’s house and five days after his parents came back, he stopped leaving the room. The food was left by his door, but he didn’t eat it unless Maria barged in and made him eat. And she did that almost every time. The only time when he was leaving was to find Gemma; so she would help him forget about his broken heart. Sadly, soon even she stopped working.

It was coming to the point when Maria and Howard started talking about hiring a psychiatrist for Tony, and it was at the door of his room when they discussed that one day. They were interrupted by the butler, who came and told them they had a visitor. Tony heard everything through the door, and he didn’t react at all at first. But when he heard the guest was Loki, his whole body shuddered. Tears started running down his face and disappeared into the pillow. He couldn’t stop them, didn’t want to. It was the only way he could somehow release his emotions, even if just a little.

He didn’t want to think about why Loki came here, and why after all this time. Maybe he heard the rumors about Tony or maybe it was his usual visit for coffee and a little talk. Either way, Tony hoped that his parents would kick him out and not waste time on him. Not after what he has done to their son, even if they didn’t know it at all.

Howard was the one who left to take care of Loki, and Maria stayed, calling her son. She sounded terrified, worried, helpless, and it just broke Tony’s heart more. He wished he could stop feeling everything, then he could tell Maria that everything’s fine and he needn’t to worry about him.

Minutes passed, Tony’s pillow was getting more and more wet and Maria’s voice was falling weaker. Finally Howard came back, but there was one more person with him, Tony heard more steps then just the ones he recognized as his father’s.

There was a moment of silence before Tony heard his father’s voice from behind the door, talking to Maria. “He wants to speak with Tony.”

Tony swallowed shakily, sitting up and rubbing at his wet face with his sleeves, but it did nothing since he was still crying.

“But why?” Maria asked surprised. “What could you do to get our son out of that room?”

“I believe I did something absolutely awful to him,” came Loki’s voice and Tony froze on his bed. “And I wish to make up for that. I ask for your permission.”

Tony couldn’t move from the bed, his body completely paralyzed with shock and fear. Why would Loki think it was okay to come here just like that? Did he really think Tony would be willing to talk with him after what happened? Was he really that stupid?

“What did you do to him?” Maria asked, her voice angry and scared and worried. “What did you do to my son?!”

“Maria…” came Howard’s voice and he must’ve had pulled her away, because Tony heard steps again – his parents’ steps – and whispers that soon died out.

There was a moment of silence and it was enough for Tony to regain control over his body. That was when Loki decided to speak up as well.

“Tony?” he tried weakly, grabbing at the handle lightly. “Are you there?” Tony stayed quiet, just staring at the door. He didn’t have a key for the door, so Loki could enter at any moment. His parents didn’t do that, ‘cause they seemed to respect Tony’s will to be alone, no matter how hard it was for them to tolerate, especially in Tony’s condition.

“Tony, please,” Loki tried again, and there was short pause before he spoke up again. “Let me in, we need to talk.”

Tony sniffled, rubbing his face into his sleeves. He didn’t know what should he reply, if he should reply at all. He simply wanted for Loki to leave, but how would it happen, it was another different problem.

“Tony—“ Loki started and turned the handle slightly.

“No!” Tony cried out and jumped to the door to keep them locked, pushing his whole body against it. “Go away!”

“Tony,” Loki sounded relieved, but why, it was a mystery to Tony. “Tony, let me in,” he repeated.

“No! Fuck off!” Tony shouted, wincing. “Leave me alone!”

He was crying heavily and it was a miracle his voice wasn’t shacking yet. He sniffled again, raising one hand to wipe away the tears.

Loki pushed at the door then and Tony almost fell to the floor. He scrambled himself up and without looking at the man he ran towards the other end of the room.

“Tony—“

“Just go away!” Tony cried out, not looking at him, face hidden in his sleeves. “Leave me alone, please!”

“I—I can’t,” Loki mumbled and closed the door behind himself before slowly, carefully making his way towards Tony. “Tony, please. Listen to me just this once.”

“W-What f-for?” Tony mumbled, shaking his head heavily. “Y-you’ve d-done en-nough…”

Loki took in a shaky breath and stopped in front of Tony, grabbing his shoulders gently. Tony broke free from the grip and stepped back, bumping into the wall. Loki moved with him and took Tony’s wrists this time, pulling his hands away. Tony heard him hiss quietly and he risked glancing up at the man; Loki was wincing, face twisted and eyes filled with guilt. “I am so, so sorry,” he whispered, still holding Tony’s wrists.

“F-fuck-k o-off,” Tony stammered out, sniffling.

Loki closed his eyes for a moment and then cupped Tony’s face, making him look up – Tony didn’t have the strength anymore to break free this time.

“I am sorry. You don’t know how much,” Loki mumbled, staring into Tony’s red, swollen eyes. “But you deserved the truth. I still love him,” he whispered and Tony cried out quietly, shaking his head.

“Please, go away,” Tony begged weakly. “I don’t—I can’t do t-this…”

“Tony, I—I need to tell you something,” Loki muttered painfully, rubbing his thumbs over Tony’s cheeks gently wiping the tears away. “I need you to hear it.”

“I don’t want to,” Tony sobbed out, trying to keep himself upright. “I can’t take any more, please, just leave,” he begged again, throat tight and hurting.

“Tony—“

“Go!” Tony cried out and hit Loki’s chest, making him take a step back. “Go away! Go!”

Tony hit him with every word and Loki was stepping backwards every time. He kept his eyes on Tony, he could feel it, but he didn’t look him in the eyes. He couldn’t. Not now, not soon, not ever. He had to leave this country and never come back again, it was the only way for him to get better.

When Loki was at the door, Tony hit him one last time, sobbing violently. He was barely standing at this point, and without any word he made his way to the bed, where he lied down, curled up in a fetal position ad continued sobbing into the pillow. There was no other sound for a long while, and then doors opened and a second later closed, and Tony knew he was finally left alone.

Just like he wanted.

For some reason, it made him cry harder, and he cried, shaking on the bed until he got so exhausted he fell asleep, sniffling from time to time.

 

The next few days turned out to be surprisingly easier for Tony. He made peace with himself – more or less – and was leaving his room more often. He still thought about Loki almost the whole time, but it was hard not to. He was sure he would have him in his mind for the rest of his life. He just had to accept that and learn how to live with the pain in his chest.

His parents weren’t pestering him about Loki, either. They just acted normal, though Tony could see how wrong Maria thought it was. He knew she wanted to know what was going on between him and their landlord but he wasn’t sure he would ever tell her. Maybe when they’re old enough, but no matter the age and the life experience, Maria would surely not approve. Not now and not in the future. And Howard? Tony wasn’t really sure about him, but he suspected he would act similar to Maria, just more… violent.

He started eating again, getting stronger. Staying in his room for so long, lying in his bed, made him weak. The first day he walked out of his room, the day after Loki visited, he almost fell from the stairs, his legs were shaking so bad. The butler helped him then, and almost carried to the dining room. His parents were terrified and called in a doctor, who just left some vitamins and advised Tony to eat and move more, and so he did.

He walked around the mansion, paying attention to every detail of the place. He wondered if Loki restored this one himself, as well. He would ask someone, the staff probably knew that, but he didn’t want to. It would just make him worse.

That’s how he spent the next few weeks, and with that, the date of his leave was coming closer. Maria started walking around every day to see if anyone left something in the weirdest places of the house. And it turned out she was right to do so, because she found Howard’s long lost glasses he thought he lost back in US. She also found Tony’s socks in one of the unused rooms. She started laughing when she told him, joking his socks were so dirty they were walking on their own now. Tony laughed with her, trying to hide his embarrassment; him and Gemma once used the room for a quick fuck and that’s when he had to leave his socks there.

Gemma was another story. After Tony started getting better she didn’t come to him, nor he to her. They bumped into each other sometime after, Tony sleepy and in his pj’s, and she in her full dress. They started talking, just casual talk, and stopped only when she was called for work. They did that more often after that, hiding in the garden and talking about everything and nothing. They never brought up what was happening between them before, and she was careful not to mention Loki, too. Somehow no one mentioned him around Tony, and he was really grateful for that.

He and Gemma became good buddies in a short period of time and the closer the date of Tony’s leave was, the saddest Gemma was getting. He asked her about that, and she said she would miss him like crazy, because of how different he and his life was – she loved listening to him talking about California and his school.

It was two weeks before the date of their flight to US, Tony and his parents eating dinner on the terrace. The sun was out, and it was surprisingly warm. Even Gemma said so when she and Tony passed each other on the hall earlier.

They were quiet, just enjoying the food and the weather, when the butler walked in.

“I apologize, but there is a mail for young master Stark.”

Tony stopped chewing on his steak and looked up at his parents and then the man. “Me?” he asked surprised.

The butler nodded and walked forward to hand Tony a white envelope with Tony’s name written on it. Just his name, no address.

“A boy from Sir Laufeyson’s mansion brought this for you, young master,” he said and walked away.

Tony swallowed, taking in a shaky breath as he stared at the envelope.

“Tony?”

He slowly looked up, eyes big and scared. Maria winced slightly and stood up from her chair, walking towards him. She crouched before her son and took his free hand, staring into his eyes. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

Tony hesitated for a moment and then nodded, swallowing again. “I-I’m fine,” he breathed out, nodding again. “I just— I’m surprised,” he mumbled, looking back at the envelope.

“Of course,” she said and squeezed his hand lightly. “You should read it,” she added after a moment. When Tony looked at her confused, she smiled weakly. “Maybe it’ll help.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Tony asked quietly, his chest already aching.

“Then I’m here for you,” she promised and kissed his cheek.

Tony stayed motionless as she stood up and came back on her chair. He just stared at the envelope, at his name written at the front with a shaky hand. He felt there was something wrong with it. It had to be Loki’s handwriting, but he would do it neatly, without any mistake, with steady and sure hand.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled and left the table, almost running to his room. Once he locked the door behind himself he sat on the bed and opened the envelope, pulling out a single sheet of paper, folded in three. He straightened it up, and closed his eyes. A few deep breaths didn’t help him at all, so he decided to go on with it. He started reading, eyes going wider and wider with every line he read. When he finished, he read it again, and again and again, until he couldn’t read it anymore.

His eyes were filled with tears, some already wetting his cheeks. Hand holding the letter was shaking violently, and he had trouble breathing again. “No, this can’t be happening,” he gasped shakily and rubbed his face, wincing.

The letter fell to the floor as he stood up and walked out. He knew what he needed to do, but he couldn’t do it alone. Not anymore.

He walked downstairs and towards the terrace, to his parents. They were the only people he could trust and only they could help him now.

“Tony?” Howard asked worriedly as he saw his son in tears again.

Maria was by his side in a blink of an eye and he just grabbed at her, trying to calm down enough to speak. “M-mom” he breathed out, sniffling.

“What is it, sweetheart?” she asked, holding him protectively. “What happened?”

Tony winced and started crying harder. He didn’t notice Howard disappearing into the house. He couldn’t calm down, just sobbing and shaking as his mother did her best to help. He tried to tell her what had happened, what he needed to do, but he was so deep in pain by now, he just couldn’t.

He was sitting on the floor with Maria, just crying into her shirt when Howard finally came back, with the letter in his hand.

“He’s dying,” he mumbled, swallowing hard. “He wants to see Tony before we leave.”

Tony sobbed louder, shaking even more when he heard it out loud. Maria’s arms tightened around him, and Howard held the letter for her to read. Tony could feel her shivering by the end, understanding the reaction. He wondered for a moment when did they figure out what had happened between Loki and their son, but it wasn’t important right now. He just wanted them to help him get to Loki.

“Oh, my God,” she mumbled shocked, staring up at her husband.

“It’s a dying man’s wish,” Howard said quietly. “We need to respect that.”

“After what he has done to him?” Maria asked, outraged. “Howard, no.”

Her husband sighed and knelt by her and his son, hand resting on Tony’s back. “It’s not for us to decide, Maria,” he replied softly.

“Howard, no,” she snapped, pulling Tony closer. “I will never let that happen.”

They talked like Tony wasn’t there, but Tony didn’t care about it at all. All he cared about right now was Loki, and how much he needed to go and see him. He knew there was no way he could leave here without doing so. Especially after what he found out.

“M-mom,” he breathed out shakily, slowly pulling away. “I n-need t-to—“

“No,” Maria snapped, gently grabbing him by his shoulders. “Tony, no. He’s hurt you too much. He’s not worth it. You can’t go there, it might destroy you,” she tried to explain, stroking his wet cheek lightly and bushing his hair back.

Tony shook his head, taking in a shaky breath. “I-I hav-ve t-to,” he stammered out, looking at his father for help.

Howard nodded, and looked at Maria apologetically before helping Tony up. “Now?” he asked quietly. Tony nodded and grabbed at his father’s shirt to keep himself upright. “Let’s go then,” Howard sighed and whispered apologies to his wife before walking Tony out slowly and carefully.

The car was already waiting for them, and Tony crawled onto the backseat. He sat up and tried breathing slowly to calm himself down. Howard got behind the wheel in the meantime and started the car, driving off. He was going slow, giving Tony the time. If it was either to prepare or calm down, Tony didn’t know, but still was extremely grateful.

Watching the side of the road helped to soothe Tony’s thoughts and emotions, his breathing slowly coming back to normal, tears no longer breaming in his eyes. He whipped his face into the sleeves of his hoodie, legs pulled close to his chest as he looked out the window.

He had no idea what will welcome him when they reach the place. Loki surely wasn’t alone anymore, but the big question was if it was just his staff keeping him company or maybe his family came to see him? Did they even know Loki was sick and… dying? Did he inform them? And why didn’t he tell Tony before? Why now? If Tony knew… Perhaps it wouldn’t end like that. Perhaps he wouldn’t do all the things he did, maybe he wouldn’t run away from Loki and even if he did, maybe he would let Loki explain after?

But there was no way to find out now. What had happened, happened, and there was no way to make it right now. Tony couldn’t come back in time with the knowledge he had at his exact moment and he couldn’t make it better. He had to make it better now, stay with Loki and never leave his side. He felt it was what he should do, deep in his heart he knew that.

When Howard stopped by Loki’s mansion, Tony’s heart and throat had tightened and he could hardly swallow. They both got out and Tony was the first to walk up the stairs, his father following. None of them said a word as Tony knocked, waiting for someone to open the door. He hoped it was Loki, surprised but happy to see Tony. When the butler got the door Tony couldn’t speak because of the pain in his chest and Howard did so for him. The older man let them in, speaking about Loki’s shape.

It was bad, and when Tony listened, his throat just got tighter and eyes filled with tears again. Howard noticed and wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders, holding him close as the butler lead them up the stairs and into Loki’s room. Tony was surprised it was on the floor, he was sure Loki slept somewhere on the ground floor.

When they reached the right door, the butler turned to them, and looked at Tony.

“Sir Laufeyson wanted to see just you,” he whispered, glancing at Howard like he barged in uninvited. Tony nodded quickly and looked at his father as well, but asking him if it was okay.

“I’ll wait downstairs,” Howard smiled at him weakly. “Could I get some coffee?” he asked the butler and the man nodded, leading him away from Tony.

Tony watched them disappear on the stairs and he took in a shaky breath, looking down at the ground.

What if he couldn’t do it? What if Loki was too far gone and—it would break Tony’s heart to see him already dead, even if he wasn’t just yet. But what if it was too late to explain anything? To tell him that Tony loved him with all he had?

He started sobbing, shaking his head, face buried in his hands. He quickly stopped, though, realizing it was too late for anything, anyway. All they could do was to talk and maybe forgive each other, if it was possible.

Tony swallowed, looking up at the handle of the door to Loki’s room. One deep breath later and he turned it, slowly walking in. He didn’t dare to look where he was going, just taking a couple of steps inside and closing the door. Only then he lifted his gaze form the floor and looked at the bed, which was standing on his right.

Loki was sitting, his back against the headboard and a book in his hands. Tony must’ve interrupted him, ‘cause he was in the middle of turning the page, hand holding the paper frozen. His eyes were locked on Tony, wide and surprised, like he didn’t expect him to come.

Loki was so pale, more than usual. His skin was almost the same as the color of his snow white sheets and covers, not to mention the white walls in the room. The heavy, black drapes in the big window across the door where moved to the sides, letting in some of the sunlight. No matter that, Tony felt like it was raining outside and he was attending someone’s wake. It made him almost squirm, Loki’s weak voice when he spoke up making him jump lightly in surprise.

“Tony,” Loki said quietly, a small, weak smile spreading his pale lips. “I hoped you would come, but—“

“You didn’t think I would?” Tony asked, wincing. He couldn’t move from his spot by the door, feeling lost. All the things he planned to do on his way here were forgotten now, Tony’s mind filled with an image of Loki in the bed.

“I didn’t,” Loki admitted in a mumble, closing the book and leaving it in his lap. “I still needed to try, though. I needed to see you before you go, and… well, I couldn’t come to you.”

He smiled at Tony lovingly, watching him the whole time Tony stood by the door. He didn’t say a word, just patiently waiting like he had the whole time in the world, when he actually didn’t. No one knew how much he had left and when Tony realized that, he looked up at him again and slowly made his way to the side of the bed. Loki’s smile widened when he saw the other come closer and he scooted to the other side to make space for Tony, so he could sit next to him.

Tony did just like Loki wanted, climbing onto the mattress and sitting down by his side. None of them said anything for a while, Loki reaching out slowly to take Tony’s hand. Tony let him, closing his eyes when he felt cold long fingers twining with his own.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony whispered painfully after another while, staring at their hands lying on the sheets in between them. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”

Loki sighed quietly, moving uncomfortably in his spot before replying. “I didn’t see the point.”

“You didn’t--?!” Tony started and looked at Loki, but the other’s weak gaze made him stop.

“I didn’t,” Loki repeated slowly, looking into Tony’s eyes. “At first I didn’t think you would be as important,” he said, squeezing Tony’s hand. “But the more time passed, I… I grew to love you. I just made so many mistakes, even knowing my time was coming to an end—”

“Stop,” Tony breathed out, eyes watering and chest hurting again. “Don’t say that, it can’t be true, it can’t…”

He started sobbing violently, and Loki pulled him close to himself, cradling the back of his head. Tony buried his face in Loki’s sweater, arms wrapping around his middle. He couldn’t stop crying, knowing Loki would be gone soon. They wasted so much time, because Tony couldn’t handle the situation. How could he be so stupid and ignorant? They could have had so much time if he just stopped being so dramatic.

“I-I’m s-so s-sorry,” he stammered out, sniffling between words. “I-it’s all m-my fault-t…”

Loki frowned and just pulled Tony closer, kissing the top of his head. “It’s not your fault,” he assured him quietly. “What’s done can’t be undone, sweetheart. Just forget it and enjoy the time with me, please,” he mumbled softly, combing through the hair on the back of Tony’s neck. “It’s all we have left…”

Tony winced and pressed himself closer to Loki, almost making him lay down. Loki gasped in surprise, but didn’t make a single move to stop Tony. He kept holding him until the other cried out all he had and calmed down enough to pull away, just a bit, to stay close to Loki, but still be able to look at him.

Loki looked back and smiled softly, stroking Tony’s cheek gently. “I missed you, Tony,” he breathed out, eyes following his hand that was now brushing Tony’s hair off of his face.

“I m-missed you, t-too,” Tony breathed out back and took a chance after a moment of hesitation, kissing Loki softly.

His lips were all salty from his tears, but Loki didn’t seem to mind. He reciprocated the kiss, cupping Tony’s neck and smiling against Tony’s lips. It was such a relief, feeling Loki so close again. They kissed, slow and gentle, like they never had to stop. Loki’s lips moved feather-like against Tony’s and Tony mimicked the moves, hands running up and down Loki’s sides.

When they finally parted, both breathing a bit faster that normally, Tony lied his head on Loki’s chest, listening to his heart. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole,” he whispered. “I should have listened to you when I had the chance.”

Loki hummed quietly, holding Tony close to himself. “Don’t apologize. You’re young, you’re allowed to make mistakes. Besides, I should have better think through what I had to say to you. I should have started with ‘I never loved anyone more than I love you now’,” he hummed softly, smiling down at Tony when he looked up.

“You do?” he asked, unsure if it was still true. When Loki nodded, Tony smiled happily and kissed him again, this time more loving and passionate. “You should have started with that, yeah,” he teased him, head back on Loki’s chest a second later.

“Sorry,” Loki chuckled weakly, stroking Tony’s back.

Tony kept his eyes open, while Loki let his own close. Stark listened to the other’s breathing, looking out the window and watching the tree outside. Its branches were moving lightly with the wind, leaves incredibly green in the sunlight.

“Loki?” Tony asked after he got an idea.

“Hm?

“Can you walk outside?”

Loki looked down at Tony and watched him for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I’m just… weak,” he said, smiling weakly.

“I’ll carry you,” Tony promised and kissed his nose before running out of the room to find the butler.

A few minutes later the maids and a nurse – who was sent from the hospital to look over Loki’s final days – prepared the man for a walk. Tony was waiting downstairs with Howard, who decided he’ll stay until Tony was ready to leave.

The truth was, Tony wasn’t sure if he ever would be ready to. He hid how much it hurt watching Loki in this state; he didn’t show how much it hurt to know Loki had so little time left. Still, he didn’t want Loki’s final moments to be dark and full of sadness and grief. He wanted to make Loki’s days better then all of the others he lived through before. Even if it just meant carrying him outside so he could use the last bits of sun on his skin. It was worth it, just for a smile.

When Loki was ready he was carried downstairs and sat down on a wheel chair. He refused to sit on it at first, but when Tony threatened to chain him to it, he agreed on using it, but not without silent complaining.

Tony took him by the lake, the very shore where Loki took him to after the big banquet Maria and Howard held. They talked all the way there, Loki telling Tony about what he had restored in the house and how much there was still to be done. He claimed he could work on some of the places still, but the nurse just wouldn’t let him. Tony chuckled at that, but didn’t say anything, knowing he would do the same as the nurse.

When they reached the hill, Tony helped Loki off of the wheelchair and sat him down on the grass. He sat next to him a moment later, when he made sure the chair wouldn’t roll down the hill. Loki immediately snuggled up Tony’s side. He was so skinny and fragile right now, unlike Loki Tony had met at the beginning of his stay here. He knew it was either the sickness, or Loki was just really good at hiding it, but he didn’t want to know.

He did want to know one thing, though.

“What is it?” he asked quietly, arm wrapped around Loki’s thin middle.

Loki breathed slowly before replying, eyes locked on the lake. “Leukemia,” he mumbled quietly, head resting on top of Tony’s.

“But,” Tony frowned lightly. “There is medicine for that. Didn’t you take it?”

“I was taking it when I was young,” Loki replied weakly. “But—I felt like I didn’t have my own life when I did. It had to always be a specific moment, said amount, no matter what was going on in my life. And the medicine still wouldn’t help me. Maybe I would live a few years longer, but what kind of life would it be?” he said and closed his eyes, taking Tony’s free hand. “I stopped sometime after I came here. Never went to a doctor to check if it was going worse or not… I didn’t care. I just wanted to have a normal life.”

Tony listened, feeling angry at Loki. How could he do that? Why? Why was he so stupid and selfish?

And then Tony realized. Loki had no family here. He was in conflict with his brother, if he had someone here it must have been for a short moment, maybe a bit longer. He didn’t have anyone to live longer for.

“And then you showed up,” Loki spoke up again, making Tony listen one more time. “Even the man before you didn’t make me want to take medicine again. But you did,” he smiled weakly, squeezing Tony’s hand lightly. “I went to a doctor, but… it was too late. Even if I started taking medicine again, it wouldn’t help. There was no point.”

Tony winced and looked at Loki, eyes filled with pain.

“I’m sorry I showed up so late,” he breathed out, tears filling his eyes again.

Loki just smiled at him and cupped his face, leaning in for a soft kiss. “Don’t be. It was supposed to be that way. I just wish I could make your pain go away,” he whispered against Tony’s lips.

Tony sobbed out quietly, pulling Loki closer and kissing him through his tears.

All they had left now was just each other, for the rest of what Loki had. And Tony decided to make it the best part of Loki’s life.

* * *

They didn’t have much time left, not enough for Tony. But it would never be enough, no matter how long Loki would get to live. On the other hand, it was better that way. During his last days Loki wasn’t himself anymore. He acted like an empty corpse, like his soul already left. The only times when he tried to be his old self was when Tony was around him, but it cost so much of his energy, Tony felt guilty.

They still spent with each other as much time as they could. Tony moved to Loki’s mansion the same day he got the letter. Maria didn’t like it one bit, but Howard was all behind Tony, leaving him with Loki by the lake and bringing his stuff in. Both of Tony’s parents visited every day, and after a day Maria started talking with Loki like it was their normal tea time.

It all lasted maybe a week before Loki was banned from leaving his bed. He was getting weaker and weaker with every passing day. He started saying Tony was the only reason he was fighting for so long, and while Tony smiled back at Loki each time, inside he was screaming with despair. It was so unfair, watching Loki slowly leave. He deserved so much more, so many years of happiness with whoever he wanted to spend it with.

Two days before his death, Loki gave his mansion away to Howard under promise he would restore it with Loki’s projects. Howard agreed on everything, promising to never sell the mansion and take good care of it.

The final days and nights, Loki and Tony spent together, in Loki’s bed. They rarely talked, just lied and held each other’s hands. It was the easiest and at the same time the hardest goodbye Tony ever experienced.

When the time came, Loki felt it, and squeezed Tony’s hand with such a force, Tony sat up quickly and looked at him.

“What is it?” he asked worriedly, reaching with his free hand to stroke Loki’s cheek.

He was so thin and pale, he looked almost like a skeleton, but Tony still saw the Loki he loved in him. He would never stop seeing him as the man he fell in love with, and would never stop loving.

Loki smiled at him weakly, leaning into the touch. “Remember our deal?” he mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment.

Tony frowned at first, but then remember the first time they met by the lake. “Of course. I owe you a favor,” he smiled weakly when Loki looked up at him.

Loki nodded then, taking in a shallow breath. “Exactly. I want it now,” he breathed out and inhaled again. “Kiss me,” he pleaded weakly and Tony complied, pressing his lips lightly against Loki’s.

They were both careful in their kiss, Loki so weak he barely reciprocated the kiss, but Tony knew he wanted to, and now that was enough for him. When they parted, Loki smiled happily, eyes closed.

“I love you, Tony. So much,” he whispered, kissing his palm.

“I love you, too,” Tony whispered, eyes watering slowly. “You know I do,” he added and leaned in to kiss Loki lightly again.

“I know,” Loki breathed out and looked him in the eyes. “And I want you to know, you are the one for me,” he whispered barely audibly, smile widening.

Tony blinked, watching as Loki’s eyes turned lifeless and his chest stopped moving. He blinked again and tears fell on Loki’s face, his beautiful, smiling face.

He started sobbing, placing one last kiss on Loki’s still warm lips before he lied down next to him and sobbed quietly, his hand squeezing the motionless one.

When the nurse found them, Tony was sleeping by Loki’s body, clinging to him. It took a lot of strength and tears to get Loki’s body away from him, and when he was gone for good, Tony cried into his mother’s arms, not saying a single thing.

They stayed in the mansion until the funeral, burying Loki by the woods, on the way to the lake. Tony knew the goodbyes were said, but he felt like something was missing, and only when he saw Loki’s fresh grave he realized that there, in the ground was not just buried the love of his life, but also a piece of him, a piece he would never be able to get back.

* * *

When we finally did come back to the US, I was a changed a man. I no longer was a boy, oh no. That summer in England, these couple of months changed me so much, I never looked at anything the same way as I did before.

Howard kept his promise and I continue to keep it as well. I visit the mansion and Loki’s grave every couple of months, making sure everything is okay and the staff is taking a good care of the place.

I’m sure Loki would be happy to know that everything was restored as he wanted, just with a  few modern additions to the interior, but that I’m sure he wouldn’t mind at all. He never said no when I asked him about the improvements, anyway.

Life is hard without him, no matter how many years had already passed. I will always carry him in my heart, and he’ll always have that piece of me he took with himself when he passed away. That doesn’t mean I can’t love again, I will just never be able to love someone as much as I love that man.

There’s no doubt in my heart, he was my one and only. And I am his, forever and ever.


End file.
